Words Unspoken | Pt. Two

As I attempted at having extended space to sabbath and reflect on the themes of my life in the past few months, I came across a letter I wrote to my future self…. from earlier this month. Yeah, not that long ago. In the quiet hours of the night, I managed to scribble words out of desperate communication to my future self.

Before you continue, I want to say for those who support me and read my blog: thank you for delving into my unfiltered, unedited thoughts and unresolved emotions. That was the goal of this blog anyway, to share the raw journey and be unafraid to share the process. What a beautiful thing that in this divided world, we can find connection through shared words and stories.

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Words Unspoken

Doodles even I don’t know how to interpret

Lights are off, doors are closed. Windows are covered.

Finally, silence. Stop in motion. Rest for the weary.

A reel tape of images, thoughts, and words unspoken start rolling right at the cue of curtains closing.

Behind the scenes. Words unspoken. Things I didn’t say.

Silence should not be mistaken for peace. The rain is more soothing than a quiet room with a soul in turmoil. Rain, rain, please stay. Wash my thoughts away.

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Flickering light

I have a warm, yellow-toned globe string light hung up on the side of the wall next to my bed. It was too bright with all of the bulbs on at once, and its main purpose is not just for hipster aesthetics, but for my room to feel cozy and like home (away from where my heart and community is, back in Long Beach). As a solution, I slightly unscrewed alternating bulbs. Now I had an on and off switch for whenever I wanted that warm and “feel-sy” ambiance.

Tonight I caught one bulb flicker, and I’m not sure how I did not notice before (I probably wasn’t paying attention, as usual) but one of the globes shone brighter with a more cool-toned white light piercing through the tiny bulb. I let it be and carried on once the flickering stopped.

An hour or so later, my room got super dark all of a sudden, and I just sat there a little confused- completely forgetting about this weird, lonesome white bulb that had flickered earlier. The one light shone brighter than the rest, so bright that the rest of the bulbs looked almost faulty.

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Free-style

I have not published a blog post on here for 8 months. So instead of stacking up drafts or overanalyzing, this is going to be a freestyle type of update in my life where I spit out thoughts that come to mind regardless of rhyme or flow. Been waiting for inspiration to come, but a personal ramble here and there won’t hurt.

The last few months of transitioning out of Long Beach and college has been, quite frankly, all over the damn place lol. Just as expected, huh?

 

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Because, mood.

 

It was fun. It was hard. I had moments gripped in anxiety and fear. I had unforgettable conversations and memories. It tested my character and integrity. It was lonely. It was filled with praise reports. There was mourning. I met many wonderful people. I saw who my real friends were. It was rediscovering myself. It was adventurous. It involved too much OverwatchOkay, it still involves quite a bit of OW. 

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Between the Silence | Raconteurs

My cool friends created a writers collective and I get to be a part of this team of story-tellers. We call ourselves the raconteurs. I wrote a response for prompt #1, thought I’d share here. Go check out our website for more wordy musings!

You know what they all say. You’re really only going to keep in touch with 4-5 of your friends in college – or high school, for that matter – after you graduate. So choose wisely. (Welcome to the “real world”?).

Prompt #1 – Write an anonymous letter to a person who you know you will not be in contact with after you graduate.


Dear ol’ friend,

“We are so similar, yet so different.”

I said these words to you that one night we stayed up together for the first time, talking endlessly on our beds; back when time didn’t feel so limited. I was still learning what it meant to trust a new friend with my heart, and it began with you that night. Your story inspired me.

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What Christmas Means to Me

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When I tried to pretend to be festive by myself once…

This time of year, I hear about or see my friends post on social media all the joys of celebrating this holiday season. It’s marked with family gatherings, gift exchanges, holiday music/movies, all-things sparkly and Christmas.

 *Insert side rant that’s going to become relevant in this post*

I’ve always wanted to marry someone with a big family that does all of those typical cute big family sha-bangs. Continue reading

Map & Guide

Scrambling. Arranging. Searching. Running. Falling. Searching again.

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My roommate Lauryn and our friend Aaron were watching “The Incredibles” at my place the other night, and I walked in on the scene where Edna is showing Mrs. Incredible her super suit. Her super power is that any part of her body can stretch out as far as she wants, so in presenting the suit, the machine demonstrates how it can stretch with her. I watched this scene quietly and as corny as it sounds, all I thought in that moment was ‘Dude.. that’s how I feel right now- stretched REALLY thin’. That describes how I’ve felt for a good portion of this Fall semester, which is already the second-to-last one as an undergraduate. Sometimes it’s like people would be trying to talk to a portion of my left arm and not really notice I wasn’t fully present. Hellooo, I’m all the way over here.

Well, I’m not here to  list all of my extracurricular activities, or show off my busy google calendar- honestly, those things are what I would talk about in passing but they’re just noise and frivolous details compared to what’s going on internally.

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