Words Unspoken

Lights are off, doors are closed. Windows are covered.

Finally, silence. Stop in motion. Rest for the weary.

A reel tape of images, thoughts, and words unspoken start rolling right at the cue of curtains closing.

Behind the scenes. Words unspoken. Things I didn’t say.

Silence should not be mistaken for peace. The rain is more soothing than a quiet room with a soul in turmoil. Rain, rain, please stay. Wash my thoughts away.

—

I like to talk and share. A lot. I also like to listen. Sometimes I think I don’t give space for anyone to ask me what is really going on. Sometimes taking control of the conversation means I am the pilot of where we are going. I enjoy asking questions, understanding how people think, why they feel a certain way, and to give insight into situations. One of my favorite things is to dig deep into a person’s mind, given we have connection and he or she is receptive.

This season, I feel like I am in a survival mode. It’s hard to have space for that kind of relationship building anymore. It’s hard to open up, when all I crave is a full night of peaceful sleep as well as deep connections. I am both driven and unfulfilled by merely surviving.

Cue the reel.

Maybe these words are not meant to be spoken. Perhaps there is a reason why words written carry on through the years, even as the world changes.

I used to release intense emotions through art, writing, and sharing. It seems that the realistic self care looks different right now. That’s okay for now, I guess. Apparently I am seriously neglecting my physical needs. Probably other needs. Why do humans have so many needs, haha. Anyways, that’s important, I guess.

—

What a gift it is to dream. What a curse it is to dream.

When reality and dreams get hard to separate and dreams become a safe place while your body remains cold, where do I run to? Is it okay to stay?

But I like the rain. It makes me feel a certain way. Can you stay for another day?